I have an urge to write something, but at the same time I lack any ideas, my motivation is gone as soon as it appears and now I have no idea what I wanted. But the urge to write down about my stupid state of mind is quite strong.
I have been feeling weird lately, emotionally weird. Is it normal to believe in something and at the same time not believing at all? No, I'm not talking about god, I am a pure atheist. I've never expected anything from life, I always wanted to "pass by" unnoticed, just to go with the flow..on the other hand I want to do something bigger, something to prove that I am not just a pathetic creature walking on the earth. I am probably schizophrenic. I want to achieve something in life. Even if it would be a great acievement only for me. For example just to survive on my own, to become fully independent. I am not that picky. I would be perfectly happy with an average life. But sometimes I think that enormous problems always search for the most irrelevant people.. Ok, I got carried away..
So...is it normal to believe and not to believe? Or when you think somebody care for you and at the same time that the person doesn't give a shit even though if he keeps claiming the opposite? I have trust issues, that is true, but this is just really confusing.. I wish I would understand one day..