Frustration

He told me: "You don't have to speak with someone who doesn't respect you. Fuck them. They don't deserve your attention."

And in the end I stopped speaking to him..

There are times when you catch yourself thinking why me..I often question myself.. And then I just stop. Because there's no point in it. But I decide to do something instead. Something I might regret later, but in the moment it seems apropriate. So I left and they were staring at me with a question which didn't have enough time to come out as I shut the door. 

Those little things such as small everyday arguments, bad behaviour, disrespect and so on... they can create a huge bag of frustration which is constantly pressing into your mind, bugging you all the time and torturing you like a hopeless animal trapped in a noose in the middle of some dark forest. 

I just need some time for myself. I often dream about living alone. It would be so much easier. Relaxing. I love when I'm home alone. Or alone in the sharehouse altough I hate it. I need to feel free. I need my mind at peace and for that I need a complete absence of people.. Yes, I hate people I'm not going to lie about it.. But that's not the point of my blabbering.

I went to visit my grandma after I had a bit of an argument with parents. Even if I don't have a privacy there at least my mind can rest a bit. My grandma was very excited about her brother being in a local TV. Or he just happened to be at the right place in the right time. But honestly we didn't understand why is she overreacting, like watching it over and over again, telling everyone about it.. I mean..I'm glad that she's happy.. But it also kind of irritates me. I was working on a project for a tv..I was a part of production and I was really glad it turned out quite nice. I'm not being cocky or anything, I'm not that kind of person. I really enjoyed doing it, I loved the work in fact. Like doing scripts, imagining the scenes, making our visions come true through my lovely actors.. There's just one thing bothering me and it's that she doesn't understand it. She saw a part of it where my brother acted. "Oh, look how's he running! And where is going to be a part with you?" she asked. So I explained her sixth time that I was a production not an actress. She's not that old and she just looked dissappointed. It pisses me off actually. I should have told her "Grandma, if I didn't decide to put him there, he wouldn't be fucking running in it right now". But it's not like that.. I'm just sad she can't be proud of me in any way. Yeah, I just wanted to make her proud of her oldest grandchild. At least one of them could be a little supportive but I've chosen a way they don't understand..

Borderlands 2 - Maya's wonderbook

So...after some playing of Borderlands 2 and my immense need to cosplay Maya I've wondered about one thing - Have you been also curious what is that book hanging from her belt? Or am I the only one here who had to google it afterwards? (I'm retarded)

Yes, now I know it's her Class Mod. And as I am a bit meticulous about those things I've decided to do one myself. And I've chosen this one:

I must confess I've picked it up by the look...

At first I bought an old book from an antiquarian bookshop for 0,20 Euro. I didnt destroy it though, I just kind of upgraded its facade..

I've repainted the cover with light blueish colour (acrylic). I used the white colour before as a basis. Then I cut out these from the cardbord. I didn't take any photo from the progress because it was kind of a spontaneous work and I simply forget to do anything when I'm working on something.. -.-
But I did a little sketch in the painter..--"

The main part is used in the front and in the back of the book as well. I wrapped with a camel-coloured paper (camel camel!). On border lines I tucked the camel paper inside of the book and glued it to it. Also the wrapped cardbord to the cover.

The small part is the edge wrapped in the golden paper and just glued to it as well.

At last, just I painted the siren and added some worn-down-like lines and I shadowed it a bit with water-colours.

Aaaand it looks like this.Still missing the leather hanger or whatever it is, but I'll make that later :)

Dreamfall Chapters

I'm over-excited! Few days back I got a message about a new game of The Longest journey series. Developers shared a post on kickstarter the 8th of february about the new project with an inicial budget od $850,000. And in a few days they've achieved over $500,000 so I'm looking forward to it!
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/redthread/dreamfall-chapters-the-longest-journey

Just in few words about this amazing game - The longest journey is an adventure (point and click) developed by a Norwegian studio Funcom. For me it will always be one of the most amazing games I've ever played. It was also one of the games of my "mature" childhood.

I've been into games since I can remember, having all kind of platforms, even the really old ones with a massive joystick where you could just jump with a frog and eat bugs all the time.. Then came Mario and so on.. But The Longest journey was a game I played in a time when I started to think like an adult and much more responsible. I wasn't a so called problem child, but my personality was changing constantly due to any problem which crossed my path. It could be anything - a bit of bullying in school, family problems and so on. My parents didn't have so much time for me because they had to work and I also have a younger sibling and I was kind of put aside. I don't blame them or anything but a kid can be sensitive and take it very personally.
Everybody deals with it differently - some kids starts smoking, drinking, become arrogant and ignorant.. I was a quiet child. I just shut myself into another world. I drew a lot, played by myself, I practically didn't need anybody. And when I think about it I don't even know. I've became very independent. But still my self-confidence was on a point of freezing (and it is until now). But instead of becoming a wreck some games taught me how to be pleased with myself and about real priorities in life. I bet I sound like an idiot but that's just how I feel. Of course my family and enviroment had a big part in it as well.

But The Longest Journey came in a great time. Me and my brother were spending a lot of time at grandparents house because our parents had to work. But except of my brother there were also another little children and I was once again cost aside. My grandpa is an (only) adventure player and it was him who showed me the game. He protested first because it's not a game for kids, but I was mature for my age, so he let me play it on his computer and I fell for the main character April, an art student (now it can sound kind of cliche, but for me as an artistic child she became an idol) restoring the balance between two universes - Arcadia and Stark, magic and science. And I can't forget Crow! Oh, good old crow.
But the most important thing for me in games is a story. It was so moving and beautiful and left deep emotions in my young heart that still remains there.

Sequel for TLJ was a Dreamfall. To be honest, I enjoyed it but it left things unfinished and I wasn't sure how should I feel about the end (don't want to spoiler). What dissappointed me a bit was "new" April. I can understand the change in her character and why is that but it changet my point of view a bit.
I hope in Dreamfall Chapters they'll bring back the good old feeling about the game and create an epic masterpiece.

 Maybe dreams will not fall but become true...

Weekend

A nice weekend is behind me. I was finally with my friend who studies in another country, which is right next to mine, but still it is so far away.. Shame my temperature was a bit high as I am still ill. 

But we had a great time even though I was kind of down with no particular reason. I don't want to sound like a full-time-depressed person. I'm not. I just have my moments sometimes. 

Back to our meeting, I was glad I could see them all. I'm not very social but I am really fond of my friends.  

I also made some progress with my costume. My "sewing skills" are killing me (sometimes literally). With a help of my brother I was able to do a (horrible-looking) torso manequine made of duct tape..Yes, everything is possible with a duct tape! Anyway, it turned out just fine. And I almost suffocated.. :D There's still a problem with one fabric which I can't find in any store, but I hope I'll think of something. 

General blabering

I am not even sure why I am writing this. Why do I even start with a blog that no one will read? Maybe like a restitution for a confession as I'm not a believer. At least not one that society would require.

Ok, enough.

I should enjoy my holidays now. I've passed all of my exams at uni. I've finally finished that painting for my bf.. which was a pain in the ass because I really am not in the mood for drawing ( the painting is quite..well, I screwed it. Totally. I'm ashamed of myself, but I just won't be drawing it again as my head might explode).

I can finally make some progress with my cosplay.. or I would if I weren't ill. This happens every time. Holiday and I'm with a flu.

Yes, I'm just complaining with this unimportant issue so I can forget about major problems I have :D
That's actually quite sad. Nah, I'll just forget it, hole up in my bed and listen to Cabin Pressure. Sounds like a plan..